The Things That Hurt Me

I am a very shy person. If I never met you before, I can tell you right now that I have a hard time talking to you. I am not a conversation starter and I am very nervous around new people especially men. Older men terrify me to talk to because my dad made sure of that. That's why I ended up blowing my scholorship interview last year. I had to sit in a huge room in a little chair in front of 10 guys that worked at the Farm Bureau. They just sat there and stared at me and I felt so small. I couldn't think of anything important that I did with my life and everything I said just seemed insignificant.

I let people get into my head way to easily and comments they say can really stick in there. It starts to affect the things I say and do and I start believing everything they tell me about myself. It really makes me feel like I'm not good enough to accomplish anything.

I also let people get way to close to me. I may be slow to trust but when that happens I am quick to love, which means that I usually end up missing people so bad that it hurts and when I don't get to talk to them, it hurts even more. I need to employ a new philosophy and not let anybody else in because this is getting ridiculous. I'm tired of people who walk into my life...stay for awhile...and then turn around and walk back out. I need people for life. I need to be able to talk to you and for you to answer me. I need you to be there for me like I always am for you.

But that's just how I am. I will continue to be the greatest friend possible and always being there for people 24/7. Someday's I wish I could have somebody to talk to about anything and wouldn't be judged because the things that bother me are usually stupid and petty and probably shouldn't even be bothering me at all.

I just want to be loved for me and for people to want to call me for no reason at all just to talk....

*Amanda*