Oh Boys......

Why am I scared to let someone love me? Why am I hesitant to allow someone new into my life? I don't know the answers to these questions and I don't know anyone that can tell me.

I know somebody that wants the chance to be able to get to know me better and I'm keeping him at a distance and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've never met him before and he lives two states away. Maybe it's because he has the same last name as the person who hates me, even though they aren't related.

I mean he's been talking to me for a few days now and he seems really cool. It just scares me that I've never met him. He's willing to make the trip down here to come hang out with me, but what if he hates me once he sees me? Then he came all the way down here for nothing and it's a long way. I am just so confused right now and I don't know what to do. Why do these things always come down on me. I mean nobody ever likes me and when somebody finally says they do they have to live so freaking far away and have the name of the person who hates my guts. That shouldn't have anything to do with my thinking but once again I have to care about what somebody thinkgs of me. I should just let myself be happy and not care what anybody else thinks right? But that's not how my brain works apparently because I have to keep coming up with ways to talk myself out of this. Just the time we've been talking he seems like a really sweet guy and maybe he was just making conversation, who knows.

I just wish I knew what to do.....

*Amanda*