So I guess I haven't posted in a very long time. I guess I just didn't have anything to say that hasn't been said already.
I've been using this to speak about things I'm too cowardly to say out loud. I've always been better at getting things out in writing.
So many things have happened in my life since I last put something. School has begun again and let me tell you, it's been rough. Everything is super hard and I have my wits cut out for me that's for sure. I just don't know what I would do without all my amazing friends I have there. They have no idea how much they mean to me or how much I need them in my life. You know exactly who you are if you read this.
But once again I can feel myself just falling apart inside. I may look like I have it all together on the outside but I don't have a clue how I'm doing it. I put on that smile and bury everything down deep where I don't have to feel it anymore. I hate feeling this way, I hate being so needy all the time. I don't know how to stop it though. Like at the moment I am going on 4 days without talking to somebody who's been like the only father-figure in my life for the past 3 years. He used to call or text me everyday for the past couple weeks and I don't know why I'm not hearing from him...and it's killing me. I want so bad to reach out and ask him what's going on, but I don't want to annoy him. There are many times I sit here and think....why me?
Why was I placed into this life to have everything imaginable go wrong? Why did the one person who was supposed to love me no matter what decide I wasn't worth it and walk out? Why can't I get a grip on myself to just deal?
I am just so afraid to talk about it with people and honestly I really want to. I want to open up to somebody. I want somebody to know all this so they can tell me everything will be ok.
Honestly.......I just want to be loved.....is that to much to ask?
*Amanda*
