Where Has The Time Gone?

As I sit here supposed to be writing my book review, all my mind can think about is how much time I have left here....well until I move on to another school that is. I'm in the process of applying to vet school and can honestly say how terrifying this whole process is. Not in the leaving part, but starting all over again. There's just certain people here that I don't want to move away from.....I need them....I need them to be so close to me and not almost 3 hours+ away. But I'm excited to start another chapter in my life. I know that if they do love me like they appear to, it won't matter the distance between us....we can always pick up right where we leave off when they come see me or I go see them. I want to be out on my own. I want to know what it's like to be able to fend for yourself. Not that I haven't been doing that my whole life....I want to be financially independent instead of just emotionally. 


The book I'm writing on is entitled "Between Two World: The Inner Lives Of Children Of Divorce" by Elizabeth Marquardt. I honestly don't even have to read this book, I already know exactly what it's about. I lived this book. I lived the stories she mentions and the statistics she references. There was no such thing as a "Good Divorce" for my family but now that I am twenty-ones years old and my life has taken a dramatic turn for the great, sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together. I see how happy my dad and Brenda are together, a way that my mom and him never were. He genuinely loves this women and she is right for him. They complete each other and can put up with each other in a way that my mom and him never could. They were young and crazy and a year later I came along, which added stress to a young couple. She was twenty-one when I arrived....and I can't fathom the thought of it. That's my age. I can't see myself trying to raise a baby and a husband plus go to school and carry a job full-time. Yes, she has made plenty of mistakes in her life and lived a very questionable past, a past that I never wish to follow, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be. I believe they both have found who they are supposed to be with, even if it wasn't each other. Sometimes God just doesn't want you to find that person until you are meant to.  


But back to my dilemma. I lived a very confusing life, a life that someone so young and innocent shouldn't have to live. It happened and I can't change that, but it opened the door to so many opportunities down the road. I wouldn't change what happened to me ever. My parents divorce made me grow up at 11, learn to take care of my two younger siblings, and gain the mind of an adult long before I should. Most people would see this as a negative thing, that I didn't have time to be a kid. I don't see it that way. I see it as gaining a new found knowledge, one that has strengthened my adult life. 


Look at me before and you would have seen a little girl with an adult mind trying to figure out everything while trying to hold everything together. A girl who never smiled for real. A girl who could never figure out what love actually was. Fast forward a decade and that same girl is now a woman who can smile her first real smiles, who knows real love even if it comes in a different package. I will never regret what brought about this change, no matter what happens. This is why I don't want to move away, but I know that when I do, better things are in store. If this love is real, which I believe in my heart it is, the miles between us will never mean a thing and nothing will cause that love to waver. I have never been happier in my entire life so please don't try and change that.