The only man a girl can trust is her daddy....I would have to disagree.

I hear this phrase all the time and I never know what to do about it. I usually just stand there and slowly nod my head because I don't want to argue about it. Or I hear all my friends talk about how their dad has done all this stuff for them and again I just have to sit there and nod along like an idiot. Because for me, this was never true. What if your first real knowledge of men came from someone who wanted nothing to do with you?

I was supposed to be a boy, and when I wasn't it was a huge blow for my dad. He grew up working all his life on a farm and when his oldest was a girl, he believed I would be no help to him and refused to connect with me. I tried so hard to win his attention that I did every boy thing imaginable and I began to lose who I really was in the process. I was too young to know at the time but my efforts would never work. 4 years after me came my sister then 2 years later my brother and once that happened, you would have never realized he had two daughters.

He ended up leaving when I was 11 and I spent the next 8 years watching my mom try and find somebody again. Some would stay for awhile but realized she wanted to be married again, so they left. Others found out she had 3 kids and left very fast. I refused to get close to any of them, because I never knew how to trust men because of my dad and I always thought they would leave, which they ended up doing. I watched her get hurt over and over again and it hurt me so much because there was nothing I could do about it.

I didn't rebel like most kids without fathers do, I just plastered a big smile on my face and pretended like nothing was wrong and it worked. But everytime I see a dad and daughter it kills me because I never got a connection like that, I mean I never even got a hug from the guy much less anything else. We are two complete strangers to each other.....

Finally a year ago, our broken little family got a second chance. Mom met Keith, who didn't run like the others. He stayed, for life and they were married April 30, 2010. We entered into a whole new family and a huge one at that.

I still wonder what would have happened if Mom never met him because I can't remember when we've ever been this happy together. But it's times like right now, when I'm sitting here along at night, that I just get incredibly sad. Even though I still hate the man, he is my dad I wish I could have had a chance to do everything a little girl should get to do with her dad. I've missed out on all those things. In the past two years I've met some incredible people that showed me how to trust again and that it's ok to cry when your sad or show your weaknesses. I don't know what state I would be in if it wasn't for you guys and I thank God every single day that you have come into my life.

So I just felt the need to write this, because once I get it out, I don't feel quite as sad anymore. People tell me to think of the good times, but the thing is I don't have any...not even one I can think back on. Believe me I've tried.

So I would like to rewrite that phrase because it leaves alot of room for uncertainty. I'm sure I'm not the only one that doesn't agree with it, but so far I haven't met very many. So I believe that God sent someone knew to replace the one that left. Some prayers are left unanswered because He has something better planned if we only just trust Him and believe.