Life's Imperfections

I have always tried to live my life in the greatest way possible. I love helping people and seeing the smile on their face when I did something to help them is just the awesomest feeling in the world. I do the things I do because it's just the way I am. I put others feeling first before even thinking about mine, which is usually how I end up getting hurt every time.

I shouldn't care about what others think about me, but sometimes it's all I can think about. I just can't stand somebody hating me and I keep wondering what I have done wrong and why it hurts me so much. I don't get angry at them, but completely opposite, even when I know that hate me so much I still can't find it in my heart to think bad things about them. But the thing is, I start believing all the things they say about me and thinking that I'm not good enough anymore.

Because at this moment I know somebody that has so much hatred for me and it hurts me so much because I still think this person is really cool and I feel horrible for causing all this trouble. I just don't know what to do because I really hope that the other people don't feel this way because I love them all. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't care so much and any normal person would just hate them back....but I can't do that. I can't find it in my heart to hate anybody.
Sometimes I even hate driving certain places because I'm scared I might meet up with them on the road and they would recognize me and think that I was following them or something. I know it sounds crazy and I know it makes me look crazy but I can't help it. I just don't want to make their lives any worse then I already did.

These are the times I wish I was just a secret and nobody even knew who I was because then I wouldn't get close to people and keep on getting hurt. This is why I love Greenville. Sometimes I just go there so I can escape Clinton Country because over there, people love me for the way I am and know me and the reasons why I do things. I don't have to try and be fake and pretend I like doing stupid things.

I know this shouldn't bother me but it does because when people you think highly of don't appreciate you...it makes you think that you aren't worth anything. So this is just another thing that is bothering me and I needed to get out.

Peace Out,
*Amanda*